Last night I dreamt of my daughter; thoughts on depression

We were standing on the edge of the shore with our feet sinking into the sand as the tide rushed over them. The sea's foamy surf left bubbles on our toes. In the distance were big, crashing waves and white caps. Its sight along with the sound let you know of the sea's massive power. We'd walk a little farther into the ocean and run back as the waves got closer and flattened, laughing as we beat them to the shore.
I remembered in the last part of my dream thinking that the waves would not overtake us. They may always be in the distance but they're not coming close enough to suffocate.

And then I awoke and I wondered how my daughter slept last night. I wondered what her dreams were. This is her 2nd stay in the hospital and is being treated for depression. Like a freak wave in the ocean, it came out of nowhere and tumbled her to the ground. We had to deliver the news yesterday that she would not be involved in her high school graduation ceremonies.  Three and a half years of hard work and diligent studying seemingly washed away, she felt. Now we know this isn't true but in a teenager's mind the excitement of that day is all they think of. Her response was expected but through her tears she said, "I have literally been dreaming of this day with my friends. I should have done more."

It angered me a bit. Not at her but that here she is, fighting to get healthy and clear her mind and body of debilitating sadness and anxiety and even she falls into the culture so pervasive with mental health which says somehow she can prevent this. That somehow just thinking happy thoughts can take this away and she could have done more when she absolutely couldn't. By no means is this a choice, just as you wouldn't choose to have any other disease.

While I was visiting her yesterday, I counted 23 children at dinner between the ages of 4 and 12 in the child unit. 23 not counting those that hadn't earned a trip to the cafeteria and were eating back in the unit. And all those kids are the ones that are lucky enough to have people in their lives who feel that therapy is important and seek help. It's time to deal with it as aggressively as we do cancer and other diseases. It's time.

We have decided as a family to be open with our experiences in mental illness. We're not ones to bring on the attention so you won't hear me talk about it a lot or reference it in everyday conversations. That tires people out. But we are not embarrassed because there is nothing to be embarrassed about and are open to questions of every kind.

As with pretty much everything in life, you meet challenges head on or you don't and just hope something changes. So we're going head to head with this sucker.

Catching up

I'm still here. Life just has a way of giving you that 1, 2 punch. But those complexities in life can enhance who you are and the layers of experiences only help you relate to others. This 1, 2 punch is a lesson in life and I expect great things from it.

I'll be back soon for what I haven't blogged about, like:

Cramming into a photo booth with 3 friends and a baby,

Making the waiter take an anonymous vote for your dessert.

The mother-of-all thrift store scores for my kitchen and how I have to reconfigure it which is what I wanted anyway.

Prom and the dress alterations that made it a little
more modest. Call me old school but Prom dresses should be elegant but my kids also want to fit in and be stylish without having their dress scream, "Hey, can you direct me to the pioneer dance?" I can't discount how important that is.

And my thoughts on the power of friendship and motherhood and the ever-evolving role in it.

Have a great day!

L

Friday Finds

The weather has been so beautiful the last couple days. I am anxious to get digging in the yard and get the garden going. The rain quickly brought the grass up and just as I made one pass with the lawnmower, it died so Jon is going to work on it tonight. We're the only one on our block with an unmowed lawn...sad face.

So since I couldn't get to mowing, Trae and I took a walk today and stumbled upon the first yard sale of the season. Among other things, I found an old book about a horse named Flip.

I loved the illustrations and thought it would be good to blow up a page for Blair's new room since she asked for a horse picture. We are rearranging bedrooms right now to make more room for everyone. Blair will finally get her own room.

Her requests are all over the place so we'll have to narrow them down but I thought an overscale print would be fun. She brought home a One Direction poster from the book fair so that has to go somewhere too...7 year-olds.

This is my boy

And he's 5 years old today. Right when he woke up I gave him a big hug and wished him a happy birthday. He said, "I'm all grown up now!"
And at church he skipped down the hall holding my hand saying to everyone, "I'm five today!" Oh how I love this boy.

Recently as seen through phone photos

Dog pile on dad.

A much needed getaway weekend to NYC with cool chicas. Jaime was a pro driving through Manhattan.

There's always a Scrabble game going here.

Bringing in Forsythia; a yearly tradition. #thankheavenforneighbors

Reworking the frames and photo walls. These Target ones are my favorite and they're 20% off this week.

A juggling act

The infrequency of posts only point to one thing...

That seems to be my juggling act. But hey, what can you do other than keep at it?

Spring is on the way! We're still a little cold in the North East but the longer wait will just make it all the better when the flowers and trees finally bloom.

Have a great day!

An teen's article on thrifting and a throwback picture.

 

High school newspapers have come a long way since I was in school. They are filled with well-written and insightful, current topics that are important to teens. I always like reading the paper when my kids bring it home because of that.

 

My daughter showed me her recent article on thrift shopping and I was really impressed with her work, and also that she gave props to her old mom! I like how she points out that in 2011, 4.2 million people were served through the Goodwill. Donations and purchases help their mission. It really is a win-win situation.

 

When the song, "I'm gonna pop some tags" came out, Charley said, "Now everyone's asking me for my thrift shop sources! Before they couldn't believe where I got my stuff." She has a knack for scoring vintage clothes. One of my girls' favorite thing to do is raid my stash of 80's concert t-shirts.

Think George Michael's 'Faith' Tour 1989! Yup.

 

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And for a throwback picture, here's Jon and me at 17. I'm wearing my mom's 1950's dress and Jon is wearing the sweater I bought him for Christmas. After searching the mall for the right dress and not finding anything I liked, my mom suggested I try on one of her dresses. This was a party dress that my mom had her bridesmaids wear. She bought one for herself as well.

 

On the back is an attached train and the way the fabric folds over the dress at the waist it creates kind of a pocket. You can kind of see it in the picture. I remember slow dancing with my friend Shane this night and he said, "I like your dress. It keeps my hands warm!" Funny the things we remember. I also remember getting my wisdom teeth out just a few days before the dance so my face was still swollen. Uhg, the timing!

 

Nice small school, budget backdrop by the way, and hair styles...but the dress, it was awesome. 

 

When I sold off much of my mom's personal belongings, a movie set designer/photographer came and bought some furniture and asked if I had dresses but I couldn't part with them. I let him have a few hats instead because I hope the dresses make it back to a dance some day.

 

I'm so glad the weekend is here, aren't you? Have a great one!

 

xo

Laura